Hello. I'm the human who made this website. You opened this page because you wanted to know about me. Some of what I have to say is stuff that might be sensitive subjects for some people. This is my website and I intend to trauma dump as much as I like here. There's nothing too grim, but I expect people to use their own discretion. If you're not comfortable with a bit of heavy stuff then you may want to consider stopping here and going back. Otherwise, tap this box to expand the page.
I was born on June 1st, 1995.
I like Art, Mathematics, Computer Science, and Philosophy.
My favorite art movments are Symbolism, Art Nouveau, and Pop Art. Two of my favorite artists are Gustave Moreau and Andy Warhol.
I enjoy:
• reading
• watching anime
• drawing
• cats
• playing the flute
• coding
• writing (I'm not very good at it)
• listning to music
• creating music (I'm not very good at it)
• cooking food
• coffee (black, sometimes milk)
• tea (sencha is my favorite)
• spicy food
• spooky stuff
• cosmic horror
• gothic horror
• classic horror movies (my favorite is John Carpenter's The Thing)
• old films (my favorite is the 1927 film Metropolis)
• playing videogames (when I have time)
• creating videogames (I've never actually finished one. Too time consuming)
• going on walks
I listen to an eclectic selection of music, but I particularly like jazz, metal (mostly classic metal, thrash metal, and some nu metal), prog rock, classical, 90's east coast hip hop, and vocaloid music (I really like Inabakumori). I also really like the music from Guilty Gear (I don't really play fighting games, but I like watching other people play them). I like anything weird or experimental, and there really isn't any music I can't appreciate in some regard even if I wouldn't go out of my way to listen to it.
My favorite music groups include:
• King Crimson
• Black Sabbath
• Blue Öyster Cult
• King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard
• Slayer
• Anthrax
• Korn (Their stuff makes me sad sometimes. I have to be in the right mood to listen.)
• Disturbed
• Slipknot
• Wu-Tang Clan
This is my favorite vocaloid song.
I live in the state of Ohio in North America. Ohio is, at times, a very beautiful place, and there are some very good people here, but it's also very lonely and desolate, and there's a lot of ruin and despair too. There are a lot of cool old buildings, some of them very well taken care of, others abandoned. Where I live there are many cool old brick roads. There are lots of creeks, lakes, fields, and woodlands. There are also a lot of blighted houses, parking lots, and half empty strip malls. Weird stuff does happen sometimes. Most of it is regular weird, but some of it isn't. 🛸
These aren't my pictures. They're places in the region where I live. These sorts of scenes are common here.
When I was a teenager I was an emo edge lord. I was very embarrassed about it after I graduated from high school, and I tried to get away from all the edgy stuff I was into. Later on I realized that the stuff I used to like was cool, and there's nothing wrong with being edgy as long as it's all in good fun and you aren't afraid to laugh at yourself once in a while.
I was very confused about myself when I was younger. I didn't get along with girls because I was too boyish, and I didn't get along with boys because I was too girly. I also had issues with undiagnosed autism spectrum stuff. I was relentlessly bullied. I'm a bit small, so I was an easy target. I started school a year early too, so I was always younger than my classmates. When I was in my late teens, adults started having a hard time telling if they were looking at a boy or a girl, so I would get called sir or ma'am arbitrarily, and that was really scary. I started having bad feelings about my body after that. I didn't have anyone I could talk to safely about how I felt, so I just kept things to myself. Eventually I gave up trying to figure it out. When I got a little older I realized that it was only other people who cared about it, I just wanted to be me. It's not really something that bothers me that much anymore. My birth certificate says male if that helps.
I used to have chronic migraines. It started when I was a kid, and it got worse over time. I saw doctors about it, but there really wasn't anything they could do for me. By the time I was an adult, I was having severe headaches every other day or so, and they would last all day, sometimes over multiple days. For a couple of years they were so bad that I was regularly vomiting from nauseua a few times every week or two. Eventually they became less frequent but more severe. Since 2023, I haven't had many headaches, and the ones I've had have been mild. I'm hopeful that it will eventually stop completely.
I was neglected as a child and suffered emotional and physical abuse. My father was an alcoholic and wasn't home much, but when he did come home he was always drunk and would say horible things while causing chaos. He died a few months after a fall put him into a vegetative state when I was fourteen years old. My mother had extreme trauma from her childhood that she never dealt with. She didn't know how to cope with stress in a healthy way, and sometimes she was violent. Both of my parents were very unpredictable, and it made me expect that people could do anything at any time for no good reason whatsoever.
I have very severe anxiety and used to experience panic attacks regularly. I've been seeing a therapist since spring of 2023. Before then I couldn't leave home by myself, and on the extremely rare ocassions when I did go somewhere I was always terrified. Now I walk to places I like a few times every week or so. The farthest I've ever walked is ten miles (16 kilometers). It's not always easy, and I have to spend a lot of energy managing my panic issues, but it isn't crippling anymore. If I had gotten the help I needed when I was younger I'd be a lot better off now, but things didn't work out that way.
Wow, that was kind of a downer. It's not all bad though, things can get better. I hope all of this doesn't make me seem like a miserable person, I'm really not, I'm just trying to be truthfull and open about myself. I don't need anyone's pity, and I'm not indignant about anything that I've been through. Evil stuff will never decide what you're worth, only how you treat yourself and others does.
These aren't my pictures. They're places in the region where I live. These sorts of scenes are common here. When I was a teenager I was an emo edge lord. I was very embarrassed about it after I graduated from high school, and I tried to get away from all the edgy stuff I was into. Later on I realized that the stuff I used to like was cool, and there's nothing wrong with being edgy as long as it's all in good fun and you aren't afraid to laugh at yourself once in a while. I was very confused about myself when I was younger. I didn't get along with girls because I was too boyish, and I didn't get along with boys because I was too girly. I also had issues with undiagnosed autism spectrum stuff. I was relentlessly bullied. I'm a bit small, so I was an easy target. I started school a year early too, so I was always younger than my classmates. When I was in my late teens, adults started having a hard time telling if they were looking at a boy or a girl, so I would get called sir or ma'am arbitrarily, and that was really scary. I started having bad feelings about my body after that. I didn't have anyone I could talk to safely about how I felt, so I just kept things to myself. Eventually I gave up trying to figure it out. When I got a little older I realized that it was only other people who cared about it, I just wanted to be me. It's not really something that bothers me that much anymore. My birth certificate says male if that helps. I used to have chronic migraines. It started when I was a kid, and it got worse over time. I saw doctors about it, but there really wasn't anything they could do for me. By the time I was an adult, I was having severe headaches every other day or so, and they would last all day, sometimes over multiple days. For a couple of years they were so bad that I was regularly vomiting from nauseua a few times every week or two. Eventually they became less frequent but more severe. Since 2023, I haven't had many headaches, and the ones I've had have been mild. I'm hopeful that it will eventually stop completely. I was neglected as a child and suffered emotional and physical abuse. My father was an alcoholic and wasn't home much, but when he did come home he was always drunk and would say horible things while causing chaos. He died a few months after a fall put him into a vegetative state when I was fourteen years old. My mother had extreme trauma from her childhood that she never dealt with. She didn't know how to cope with stress in a healthy way, and sometimes she was violent. Both of my parents were very unpredictable, and it made me expect that people could do anything at any time for no good reason whatsoever. I have very severe anxiety and used to experience panic attacks regularly. I've been seeing a therapist since spring of 2023. Before then I couldn't leave home by myself, and on the extremely rare ocassions when I did go somewhere I was always terrified. Now I walk to places I like a few times every week or so. The farthest I've ever walked is ten miles (16 kilometers). It's not always easy, and I have to spend a lot of energy managing my panic issues, but it isn't crippling anymore. If I had gotten the help I needed when I was younger I'd be a lot better off now, but things didn't work out that way. Wow, that was kind of a downer. It's not all bad though, things can get better. I hope all of this doesn't make me seem like a miserable person, I'm really not, I'm just trying to be truthfull and open about myself. I don't need anyone's pity, and I'm not indignant about anything that I've been through. Evil stuff will never decide what you're worth, only how you treat yourself and others does.
